


just the ghost of me

by potato_writes



Series: a series of imperceptible shifts [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: F/M, I wrote this in ten minutes I cannot be held responsible for what it turned out to be okay, Implied Relationships, listen I have no idea what this is either just go with it, possible sci fi au, vague and unspecific
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27520927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potato_writes/pseuds/potato_writes
Summary: Somewhere, there is a man who walks between worlds.or, jaime made a choice and now he must live with the consequences.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Series: a series of imperceptible shifts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2012446
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	just the ghost of me

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes the author makes poor decisions at 9pm and this is the result. there is no explanation for this whatsoever except that it takes place in a vaguely sci-fi au and could mean pretty much anything at all. despite the title there are no actual ghosts in this fic, though I'm sure jaime feels like one at this point.
> 
> title from ghost quartet, which should surprise exactly no one by now. I'm just gonna go...peace out now and wish you all luck in interpreting this because I don't have a fucking clue what's going on either.

Somewhere, there is a man who walks between worlds.

He does not love it, not especially, but it is his task, his penance for the crueler of his past actions, and so it must be done. No one who kills kings and fucks sisters and throws small children from tower windows can escape the war’s end unscathed, and he has done all those things and worse, far worse.

He does not regret, even now, cannot bring himself to say _no, I was wrong, forgive me_ because he would do it all over again, in truth. What other path did he have? What else could he have chosen? What would those who stare down at him from their high seats and call what they are doing _justice_ in voices filled with righteous fury have done? They know so little of the world, despite having grown up in war. They have never had to choose between oaths, have never had to choose between king and country, one child or another.

So now he is here, pacing back and forth along the veil, guardian and invader and protector and conqueror all at once. Some worlds welcome him, some do not, and he has no choice but to trek into all, for those who have driven him here will accept nothing less than _yes, of course_ from the traitor and oathbreaker they sent here.

 _She_ would not have made him do this, if she had been allowed to speak, but they fairly muzzled her when his trial came and told her she was not valued, that all her efforts to protect the children who judged him with all their short-sighted wisdom were not enough to earn her the right to defend one man. But would she have faced the same, had she tried to fight, tried to speak anyways despite the warnings of the proud youngsters who think they have a right to say what is moral and what is not? 

He will not see her join him, and so he refused to let her speak, protecting her from her own loyalty, because she _would_ have come, had he asked. It is for this that he loves her, and for this that he told her to go, to forget him, to move on and find some better lover and be _happy_.

She _has_ to be, no matter the pain it causes him to think it. He will not let her be anything less, not for his love, not for hers, not for whatever possibility still lies between them.

But there are days when he yearns to have her at his side, or to be with her wherever she is, trekking across some distant world protecting the innocent and being the hero she is. Days when his heart aches for the love of her, when his dreams are haunted by her brilliant eyes and gentle smile, when he has fought and fought until he can fight no more and thinks with all the bitterness of a man at the end of the world that there is no justice in what they are making him do. He wonders if she still serves them, as fiercely loyal and kind as she is. Does she disapprove of this children’s court as much as he, or does she truly believe his punishment fits his crimes, despite having seen the worst of him and loved him for it anyways?

She is not here, and he has no way of knowing.

He would like to think she remembers him, that she is haunted by his memory just as much, but that is the hope of a selfish man, and there are far more days when he prays to gods he does not believe in that she has forgotten him, that she has moved on from the man who was given a choice between this and death and chose to walk away from her rather than die at her side, as he’d once hoped he could, as he’d thought he’d do when the wall between worlds came crashing down and the children who call themselves servants of justice came marching in with the crowns of saviours heavy on their heads and no idea of how to wear them.

**Author's Note:**

> jaime is a self-sacrificing idiot and brienne is the absolute best, but you already knew that. this is also definitely not the best choice jaime's ever made, but you probably already knew that too.
> 
> some of my very specific asoiaf Opinions jumped out here but I kept it vague enough that none of you should be eager to attack me for them. this was mostly an exercise in keeping things short and sweet and it actually worked? which I suppose is a minor miracle.
> 
> also no this is not supposed to make sense. I have no idea what's happening in this fic either.


End file.
